Polygamy, Poverty, and Children: A Quiet Crisis We Need to Talk About

        Let’s start with the truth many are afraid to say out loud:

No matter how grateful you are for life, you wouldn’t choose to be born into poverty if you had a choice.

Now imagine a child—your own child—being born into that same struggle not because the world is unfair, but because you refused to pause, think, and plan.

This is where we are in many parts of Nigeria. In some Muslim and traditional communities, polygamy is seen as a norm, even a symbol of status. But more and more, we’re seeing how this practice, when done carelessly and without financial discipline, is keeping entire families—entire generations—locked in poverty.

Let’s be honest with ourselves for once.

Too many men who are barely able to feed themselves are rushing into marriages with two, three, sometimes four women. They start building large families—ten, twelve children or more—without having a stable source of income. Some do it out of pride. Others do it because culture or religion told them it was allowed. A few simply can’t control their sexual urges. But whatever the reason, the outcome is almost always the same: struggle.

Even middle-class men—those earning decent salaries—are not exempt. They fall into the same trap. They marry more women than their income can handle. Suddenly, school fees become a battle. Rent becomes a burden. Healthcare is ignored. And the children—the real victims in all this—are left to survive in silence.

But let’s slow down. This isn’t an attack. This is a wake-up call.

We’re not here to shame or cancel anyone. We’re here to reflect. To understand how we got here. Because when you really look closely, you’ll see that this issue isn’t just about tradition or culture—it’s also about lack of discipline. About short-term thinking. About confusing pleasure for purpose.

Far too many men are making permanent life decisions based on temporary urges. They’re chasing validation through women and children, trying to feel powerful by building large families they can’t maintain. And in this pursuit of pride, they forget the future they’re creating.

And today, we’ve evolved into a new version of the same crisis: the “baby mama” era. Men now father children with multiple women without officially marrying any of them. It’s modern-day polygamy with the same result—scattered families, children without stability, and more poverty.

Let’s be clear: polygamy is not a crime. But having children or taking on multiple wives without being financially and emotionally prepared is irresponsible. It’s not just about you anymore. It’s about the lives you’re bringing into this world. Lives that didn’t ask to be born, but will pay the price for your choices.

And no, it’s not just the men. Some women also step into these arrangements out of pressure, ignorance, or survival. Society too is guilty—we praise men with many children like they’ve won a prize, even when those children are barely surviving.

But in the end, everyone must take responsibility.

Before you get married again…

Before you get another woman pregnant…

Before you add another child to the world…

Ask yourself:

Can I give this child a good life?

Can I give my wives peace of mind and stability?

Can I raise emotionally strong and financially secure children?

If the answer is no, then you owe it to yourself and your future children to wait. Build yourself first. Fix your finances. Heal your mindset. Gain clarity.

Because culture, pride, ego is not a license to remain poor. And pleasure is not a good enough reason to destroy your legacy.

Now, Let’s Talk About The Most Overlooked Piece Of This Conversation:

The Children.

When polygamy is done without planning, the children suffer the most.

They are born into homes where money is always tight, love is divided, and attention is scarce. Fathers are either physically absent—managing multiple homes—or emotionally distant—burdened by too much responsibility. Mothers are overwhelmed. The children, through no fault of their own, grow up in environments that don’t allow them to thrive.

Some children are forced to become adults too early.

The boys drop out to start hustling.

The girls are married off or left unprotected.

And the ones who don’t find a way out are pulled into the streets—into crime, begging, abuse, or cycles of trauma they can’t escape.

They grow up with broken self-esteem, limited education, and no real support system. And when they have children of their own, they pass the same pain forward.

That’s generational poverty. And that’s what we’re creating when we prioritize culture or ego over planning and responsibility.

Let’s Zoom Out For A Second.

Nigeria is crying.

We cry about poverty.

We cry about unemployment.

We cry about poor governance.

But how do we expect real change when families are being built on shaky, emotional, and broken foundations?

You can’t build a strong country with weak families.

If we want to break the cycle of poverty in Nigeria, we must first look at how we build our families. Because that’s where everything starts. That’s where the next generation is shaped.

It’s not enough to pray for a better Nigeria. We must make better decisions—starting with ourselves, our households, and our children.

Let’s rethink what it means to be a “real man.”

It’s not about how many women you can get. It’s about how many lives you can build, protect, and provide for.

Let’s rethink what it means to be a responsible adult.

It’s not about doing what tradition says blindly. It’s about knowing when tradition no longer serves the times we live in. Your Grandfathers had multiple wives because there had farms that could provide enough food for their large family. But today's world, we need more than a farm to survive.

Let’s rethink what it means to raise children.

They are not cultural trophies. They are not tools to prove your masculinity. They are human beings—who deserve love, peace, stability, and a real shot at a good life.

So if you’re not ready… don’t start.

If you’re not stable… don’t continue.

If you’ve already made mistakes… stop, regroup, and grow from them.

Because every careless decision made in the name of ego, culture, or pleasure today becomes a national crisis tomorrow.

And we’ve already seen the results. Now it’s time to do better.

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